In Class Essay

Dear diary,

            Like every regular day wake up at 4:00 am in the morning and help mom to ready for a bake sell today, hope there are more people buying our cake it seem so hot and delicious. Look at mom, she is so beautiful today her black long hair nicely tied up with a strong skin color, carrying in her back is my little sister she still sleeping on mom shoulder like a morning angle. I go get change and my uniform is still wet I guess it because of the rain yesterday but I’m going to wear it on anyway the only uniform I have.

            Now is 5:00am now the cake are ready to go I carry her to grandma house so grandma to drop my sister there then I bring her to a market in district one then I drive to school. Past by the American International School, some lucky rich kid didn’t recognize how lucky they are being dress in nice laundry clothe and driving to school in the car holding an Iphone 4 chatting with friends, look at their expensive shoe it equal to money my mom sell for 3 month. They can have a delicious breakfast, and being taught by many cool American guys. Talking about breakfast make me feel so hungry, I been not eat anything since last night, my stomach are yelling and those rich kid stomach is grinning at me. I wonder how is it look inside that school it must be really nice and big with air-conditioner in class with laptops, the more I think the more unfair I feel about this life.

            Walking in my school, I see Luan is calling me to come and join in soccer with him, Luan is a really good at soccer and can do some cool trick that the star can do on TV that I saw at my neighbor house sometime I ask to teach me but the result is fail. The school drums is calling us to get in class, the class room door is wide open welcome us to walk in, inside are old wood table with scratch everywhere, the wall are old cover with black mark on the ceiling, the board are full of drawing from girls in my class try to make fun some new love couple in class and in the corner there is a girl try to fix her hair get ruining by a guy from chasing around. There always a person stain outside to check is teacher come are not when he see teacher he run fast back to class and tell everyone. The girl try to hurry up clean the board and everyone stand still in their sit wait for teacher to get in. when teacher walking in we all say good morning teacher at the same time and wait her to tell us to sit. She start her lesson and nice hand writing on the board.

I like this response. I think it’s interesting to write from the point of view from someone different from you, especially in this case because you’re writing from the point of view from someone who probably sees you as a “lucky rich kid” and may not like you. This is a very creative touch that I think makes your response work especially well. Nice job on this.